Speakers Push Air

Rockism In Opposition
January 4, 2012, 12:47 pm
Filed under: Gigs!, Miscellaneous | Tags: , ,

I’m not by any means a big Lady Gaga fan, but I still reckon she’s ultimately a force for good, relatively speaking. She doesn’t seem to use sex to sell her music, or at least does so in a more interesting and nuanced way than Beyonce et al,  and while nobody ever lost money working hard for the Pink Pound, she seems sincere about her gay rights stance for example. And let’s face it, Bad Romance is a work of genius.

So I found myself watching some of her Monsters Ball show on TV on New Years Day, hungover to hell. And there.. there he is again: the obligatory shirt off, leather strides on, longhaired faux-metal guitar God. Probably not actually plugged in but throwing sweaty rock shapes anyway.

What the fuck?

Any mainstream stadium pop / R&B act I can think of – from Madonna to Beyonce to Kylie to Gaga – hasn’t been able to resist this rockist nonsense. Even the Prodigy roped in a comedy punk rocker to similarly embarassing effect. What’s the thinking? Is the idea that all previous stadium acts HAVE featured some Frizz-Ease addled twunt knocking out riffs from a laser-guided plinth and therefore pop needs one too, to keep it ‘real’? I don’t watch Lady Gaga for ‘real’, I want utter artifice – dancers and lasers and dumb costumes and no tipping of the hat whatsoever to hoary old rock cliches.

It’s always SO badly done too: like the punks in a 1980s US cop show, the faux-metal musicians are always a kind of John Galliano idea of what a metal musician looks like, but instead of bringing anything witty to the table, it just looks SO naff. A guy with a faux-hawk in a leather trenchcoat and bad sci-fi make-up; someone playing some cheesy keytar whilst dressed as that woman who used to pop up playing bass at David Bowie gigs.

For fuck’s sake, PACK IT IN.

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